i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
