I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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Randomize
