she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
