He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
