AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
