I puked a lego.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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