i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Randomize
