You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
