you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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