Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
He? As in you personified your dick?
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
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