How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Randomize
