dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
