It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
