Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
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