We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
you didnt know i had herpes?
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
