I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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