the new term for farting is butt boxing.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
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