are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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