on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
whose parrot is this?
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
