i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
