just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
