no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
