your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
