You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
