you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
