I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
