I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
