Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
