a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
