Your tits are I can't wait for
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
You need a sexual gate keeper
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
