Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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