yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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