I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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