So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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