I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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