I will die if light touches me.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
