If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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