do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
