Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
