why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
either way he was missing a nipple.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
