who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
