come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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