The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
