Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
