You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
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