he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
