What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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