i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
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