my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
