the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Randomize
