you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
