I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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