the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Randomize
